So your last relationship took its course, and the end left you reeling. You gave that one your all. Whether you were together for five weeks or fifty years, breaking up is no fun.
Even if YOU are the instigator, breaking their heart also breaks yours. It’s also daunting to have to “start from scratch” in the singles sea…even if and when you find someone new, they don’t know you. There’s the repetition of sharing all your info, life stories, perspectives, quirks - and having them hopefully be accepted. There’s a reason why so many songs in existence are about romantic relationship heartbreak: it sucks, and it’s a universal experience.
Another equally powerful universal experience is the desire to make sense of the events in our lives. So let’s take a minute to process it – from a lens you might not have seen through before. To help you not only get back to normal but actually celebrate the experience, we’re sharing ten key reasons to perk up. Here’s why breakups are, in fact, actually awesome:
- You’re stronger and lighter without your ex dragging you down.
Let’s face it - you broke up for an important reason...or multiple reasons. Either you or they or both tried overlooking these reasons, communicating about them, maybe even working on them. But it didn’t work in the end. There was inherent negative energy when you were together. Remember those reasons, and then let them go. You now have the gift of fresh, clean, positive energy. That energy can be harnessed into being a better version of you - with or without a partner.
- You can focus on you and your favorite activities again.
When you’re in a relationship, you need to devote time, energy and consideration into your partner or it won’t last very long. As a single person, you can now be selfish...and as long as you don’t take that word to the extreme, being selfish for a while is very beneficial. Re-focusing on yourself is empowering, allows you to amplify your confidence, and gain more clarity on who you are now. You’ll hopefully come to the conclusion that you wanted this person, but didn’t need them. You can stand on your own two feet and accomplish whatever you set your mind to.
A major part of this self-focus is getting back to doing more of what you enjoy. Typically in relationships there is some compromise with activities. Maybe you gave up your singing lessons, or you just stopped going backpacking because your partner wasn’t super outdoorsy. Whatever it is, pick it back up or do it more often! It will be fun, cleansing, and help you move on.
- You can re-prioritize what’s really important in a partner.
Out of a relationship, you can look back with a different perspective to fully evaluate the person, their characteristics, and what worked well and didn’t work well with you specifically. Writing down a list of what you want next in a partner is a helpful exercise to identify it in the future. To keep it realistic, specific, and make sure you don’t get too hyper-critical, list out three must-haves, three dealbreakers, and anything else on your list can be a preference rather than strict criteria.
- You’re increasing your resilience.
The ability to bounce back from whatever life throws at you is one of the most important aspects of happiness. If you’re constantly thrown off and disturbed by change and challenges, you’re going to have a tough life - at least in your eyes. That’s draining and no fun. Having your heart broken is building up that resilience muscle in a major way. It will certainly come in handy for any of life’s obstacles, inside or outside of relationships.
- You can spend more time with friends and family.
It’s natural for someone in a relationship to spend the vast majority of their time with that person. Even if you try to be social with others, it’s generally not nearly as often as when you’re single. So enjoy talking and hanging out with your friends and family more often. Reach out to people outside your “inner circle” to re-connect with those you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Remember that we get valuable different perspectives from different people, and each person can teach us something if we listen.
- You can re-invest yourself for the positive.
If you found yourself not liking some aspect of who you were in that relationship, change it. Be a better version of yourself for the next person. Were you always running late and that drove your ex crazy? Did you find yourself being a total workaholic and you wish you had spent more time with your partner? Do you now agree with their impression that you’re often ridiculously stubborn? Make a conscious effort in the future. New people are learning about the current you, not the old you. Change can be tough but it’s possible, and rewarding. At the same time, you can accept and love the parts of you that you want to maintain - whether the other person appreciated them or not.
- Breakups translate to the best workouts.
There’s nothing like a breakup to ignite a fire within to have a really intense set of workouts. It makes you feel good and there’s the added benefit of wanting to look even better, whether for revenge or to attract more people or for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a mix of all three. Get your sweat on and start feeling the endorphins kick in!
- Your accountability grows.
In hindsight, you can see what you did wrong in a relationship. If you don’t, we suggest talking to a therapist or at least a friend or family member to figure it out. There is usually at least some kernel of truth to what your ex didn’t like, if they spelled it out for you, so listen to that, take it in, and potentially decide to make a shift. Recognizing that you’re not and will never be perfect is a key component to moving on from a relationship. If you continue to play the blame game when every conflict event arises, you’re going to have a very tough time keeping a relationship together. But if you take responsibility and admit when you're wrong and acknowledge the other person’s feelings and experience, you’re on your way to a healthy, lasting partnership where the other person wants to act the same way.
- You can enjoy dating different people and flirting with whoever you want.
Meeting new people can be really fun, especially when you don’t put any pressure on the dates or outcome. Go ahead - be a total flirt. No one is looking over your shoulder or telling you what to do or who to talk to. Just remember that calling an old girlfriend or boyfriend is probably not the best idea - remember, you all broke up for good reasons, too.
- You’ve made space to find someone who is a better fit for you.
Once you’ve “done the work” in re-investing in yourself and your own self-growth, you’re ready to meet someone better for you overall, if you choose to. There are a lot of single people out there, and unlimited ways to meet them - dating apps, matchmaking services, joining local activity groups, asking your friends to leverage their networks, traveling, the list goes on. Have a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity.
A (generally) positive outlook is crucial in seeming attractive to someone else. So integrating these tips into your mind and putting them into action will help you attract, charm and keep the next best thing…the next BETTER thing.